When I think about the last ten years of my life there’s one word that comes to mind, and that’s grief.
My dad was my best mate, and when he died, I hit the bottle. For all my life I’d been an engineer, working hard and doing 60-70 hours a week, but the alcohol took over and I resigned from my job. I stopped eating and my health started failing to where I couldn’t really walk and was in hospital a lot. I became very alone, and I saw myself as a waste of life. I really was going to drink myself to death.
God knows how I survived, but I’m so grateful that I did because that person just isn’t me.
I don’t even know how I got to The Mission and Te Pā Maru, but I love being here, and there’s no other place like it. Being in a managed alcohol reduction place means I have a plan for my allocated drinks and I spread them throughout the day. I’ve really appreciated the kindness, interaction, and support from everyone. We have a beautiful community here, and being part of it keeps me strong. We do loads of stuff together, like board games and special outings – we played mini-golf at Carlucci Land the other week which was sensational! Today I even planted a kōwhai tree out the front, and I felt really good about that.
The biggest thing for me now is being able to do my passion again, which is art and poetry. I’ve put my heart and soul into my wall here. That’s me expressing myself, and it’s not just for me, it’s for everyone here. It sparks me up big time, and I get a sense of achievement every day.
In the few months I’ve been here, I’ve noticed the change in myself. I’m thinking a lot more positively, and I’m seeing the brighter side of life. I feel warm at heart, and I wake up happy every day.
I know that if this whole system wasn’t here, there’d be a lot of people out there who are lost, or worse. This is a safety net, but you’ve got to embrace it. Someone might come here who isn’t quite ready, and that’s fine, because they might be back when they are. I’m proud of what staff like Jaz have done for me, and I want to give it all back to them and others. So when someone new walks in the door, I make sure to drop everything and make them feel welcome.
We’ve talked about me moving back to the community, but at the moment I know I’m not ready. I need the support and companionship because I do get lonely, and I don’t ever want to go back to that dark place. When I do eventually leave I will definitely be coming back every week to help out. That will be my own mission!
The Mission will always be a part of my life now. Te Pā Maru has absolutely saved me, and I’m so grateful to be alive and to be here.
