Through courage, connection and your support, Denis has moved mountains to create a new life for himself and his daughter. Read his story below:
“I had a hard upbringing in Porirua, with a lot of heavy violence around me. From when I was little, I felt safer on the street than I did at home, and I ended up joining a gang. All the beliefs from that lifestyle got embedded into my head, and glorifying negative behaviours was normal. I was living a life of crime and drug addiction, and from when I was 19 I started going in and out of jail. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was masking a lot of trauma, and I was too ashamed to ask for help.”
In 2015, my daughter, Tuwhareiti, was born. I thought that would change me straight away, but it didn’t. I couldn’t just snap out of it, my issues were deep within my core and I was stuck in addiction and selfishness. Tuwhareiti wasn’t living with me at the time, but the environment she was in wasn’t healthy either. Thankfully my sister eventually got full custody of her, so she was in a safe place. But the seed was planted in me. I wanted to be better for her.”
It wasn’t until I had a near-death experience the last time I went to jail, that I realised I’d hit rock bottom, and I needed to wake up and change my life. I fully committed to rehab for the first time. It gave me a safe space to open up, and I started to realise what trauma actually was. I stopped bottling everything up, and started taking ownership and humbling myself. I graduated from rehab in May last year. That was the first time I’d ever completed anything worthwhile, but I knew I needed to live somewhere other than Porirua to keep on track.”
Moving to the Mission’s Te Pā Pori was massive, and it’s changed who I am. You see how being there for people and showing them a little bit of love can go a long way. I started wanting to help other people feel good about themselves, too. I took the opportunity to help run programmes and serve as a mentor for the other manuhiri. There were heaps of hurt and broken men who were in addiction but were still hiding away in their rooms, so we created a group where people felt acknowledged and cared for. I found new qualities that I didn’t know were inside me, and I learnt how to be Denis – to take off my masks and be my authentic self.”
My daughter was able to stay with me in Te Pā Pori on weekends and in the school holidays, but finding a house for us has been my biggest goal. And thanks to the advocacy and support of my awesome kaiarahi, Alisha, I’ve just moved into my own two-bedroom flat in town! This is the first time I’ve ever had my name on a lease, and having that moment of getting to ask my daughter which room she wanted was really special. The Mission even donated a bed and drawers so she could be here straight away.”
I’ve also found an amazing relationship with my partner, Georgia. She’s got her own story of addiction and trauma, and has been separated from her kids in Australia. She’s going on eight months clean now, has a good job, and is as beautiful as ever. We’ve both found out what love means together, and I’ll never do anything to jeopardise that.”
Most importantly my daughter is thriving. Being with her is a big drive for me, and it keeps me sober and moving forward. She’s just turned ten, and she wants to hang out with me and have real conversations. I’m proud that I’ve become a good role model for her, because I never want her to experience any of the emotions I did when I was little.”
Coming into Christmas I think about how I haven’t been out of jail for many of her birthdays or Christmases, and last year, I really wanted to make it up to her. I was able to take some of my Kiwisaver out to really put on a special day, and I got to visit the Mission Toy Store as well. That was really cool, and I remember on Christmas Day, seeing her get that feeling of ‘Are these for me?!’ The smile on her face lasted for weeks. The best part was that I could actually be present with her, because what she would have wanted most of all was my time. I’m really looking forward to our first Christmas together as a family this year, and Georgia’s kids are even coming from Australia. We have a plan to spend Christmas Day in her backyard, and use the time to reflect and set our goals for the new year. I’m focused on creating a safe home, and then getting into full-time employment. Youth work is definitely something that I want to get into, because I truly believe that someone positive coming into a young person’s life can work wonders.”
Sitting here now with my new mindset, and knowing that’s happened thanks to the people who donate to the Mission is really humbling. That pure intention to help someone like me, who they don’t even know, shows such love and respect, and it’s moved mountains for me. It’s opened my eyes to see that there’s much good in the world. I believe I can achieve whatever I set my mind to, and I want to show others that they can do it too!”
